Mama Identity Crisis? It's Totally Normal!
Do you ever feel like your identity was lost somewhere between being blissfully pregnant and being up all night with a 3 month old? For some maybe this never happens but for myself and many of my friends the major life switch left us all like a deer in headlights.
Those first few months mamas are in the trenches, your just trying to get to tomorrow without eating a tub of ice cream, crying for no reason and screaming at your partner for doing up a diaper wrong (been there!). It’s hard being a new mama, don’t get me wrong its the most amazing journey and it is incredibly rewarding, BUT sometimes we need to fight within ourselves to find our selves post baby. I know I personally did.
Having a premature baby (and I would assume its no different than a take home full term baby), I was consumed with timed feedings, burping, reducing acid reflux, diaper changes…the list goes on. I remember thinking; I wonder who Tara will be after all this. And at times whether I was just so exhausted I felt like I couldn’t answer the question. So much of our identity can be wrapped up in our pre baby job, who we hang out with and things we do. It isn’t until you go through a time like having a baby where your lucky if you shower in 4 days, wear a bra or talk to another person besides your partner that you start to question such things. I only have one baby and yet sometimes it’s easy to get totally consumed by them.
I started to realize that my life can’t revolve around my baby, and that’s not building (for me anyways) a healthy relationship. Mama needed her own time, time to relax, to workout, time for friends and time with my husband. It’s once I started to piece back together elements of my interests, hobbies and social life that I truly felt that I had the right balance.
I remember in the early days needing to take 15 minute breaks once my husband would get home from work to sit by myself in a dark room. It helped my sanity just hearing silence with nothing hanging off my body. I then realized if I didn’t start making “me” time a priority nobody else would. My husband is incredibly supportive of my health and happiness but understandably so he’s not always thinking “maybe Tara needs a break!” This realization eventually led to me planning more things for me like nightly bubble baths, quick trips to target without Ben (what a treat!), dates with friends and baby-less workouts. What I am trying to say is mama’s make some plans for your self and then do them. You’ll be so happy you did!
I can’t stress enough to any mamas that it’s important for you to put yourself first. If mama is happy and balanced then so will her children. Thus, if someone offers to babysit--> TAKE THEM UP ON IT! Realize quickly there is more than one way to do anything, thus let your hubby put on a diaper the wrong way... he will learn when he gets a massive blow out on his shirt AND you can take some time to relax or get out of the house.
Make plans with your friends, although you may feel that none of them understand what your going through, lots probably do and the ones that don’t cause maybe they don’t have kids yet, know how to drink wine and all moms need that too! Haha Get out and exercise, move your body as much as you can, it relieves stress, you feel better after and have lots more energy!
Don’t let the fact that you birthed a tiny human let you lose yourself. Ensure you make yourself a priority because mama’s happiness matters!